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BIG BOYS DON’T CRY
Do you remember the sting of those words? Maybe it was a dismissive, "Big boys don't cry," when tears welled up after a scraped knee.
Or perhaps it was the quiet, unspoken pressure to be strong for a mother carrying her own burdens, leaving little room for your own messy emotions.
As a child, your mother, likely with the best intentions shaped by her own upbringing and societal norms, subtly (or not so subtly) taught you that your feelings, your vulnerability, were a burden, a sign of weakness.
She inadvertently showed you that self-sacrifice, putting others' needs before your own, was the mark of a "good boy." This early conditioning, this well-meaning but profoundly misinformed guidance, laid the foundation for a lifetime of emotional self-abandonment.
Fast forward to today. That little boy now stands in the boardroom, a picture of professional success.
But beneath the confident exterior lies a man who struggles to assert his own ideas, who bends over backward to accommodate every request, who seeks validation in the nods of approval from his colleagues.
You've become the ultimate people-pleaser, always ready to smooth ruffled feathers, always eager to say "yes," even when it stretches you thin and compromises your own priorities.
The place where you should feel most seen, most connected.
But do you? Or are you a ghost in your own living room?
Silent as your partner shares their day, disconnected as your children clamor for your attention, a hollow presence because you've spent so long tending to everyone else's needs that you've lost touch with your own.
The emotional wellspring within you has run dry, and you find yourself going through the motions, present in body but absent in spirit.
This isn't the life you envisioned, is it? The constant striving for external approval leaves you feeling empty, a well-dressed stranger in your own life.
But there's a way out. There's a path to reclaiming your authentic self, to shedding the "good boy" conditioning and stepping into your power as a man who knows his worth and honors his own needs.
Take Mark, for example. Growing up, he was his mother's rock, always listening, always comforting.
This translated into a career where he excelled at team leadership but constantly sacrificed his own ambitions to keep everyone happy.
At home, he felt like a roommate to his wife and a distant figure to his children. The turning point came when he realized the cost of his self-abandonment: a within and a growing distance from the people he loved most.
Mark started small. He began by identifying his own core values and making decisions that aligned with them, even if it meant saying "no" sometimes.
He started practicing small acts of self-care, things he’d previously deemed selfish. He found a men's group where he could openly share his struggles and learn from others on a similar journey.
Slowly, tentatively, he began to voice his opinions in meetings, to set boundaries at work, and to actively engage with his family, sharing his own thoughts and feelings.
The transformation wasn't overnight, but it was profound. Mark discovered that asserting himself didn't lead to rejection, but rather to greater respect and deeper connection.
He was no longer a boardroom ghost, but a vital presence, a leader who inspired not through appeasement but through authentic conviction.
At home, he became the engaged husband and father he always wanted to be, his presence filling the space with genuine connection and love.
You too can break free. It starts with recognizing the old patterns, acknowledging the impact of those early lessons, and making a conscious choice to prioritize your own well-being.
It’s time to stop being a ghost and start living a life where your voice is heard, your needs are met, and your presence is truly felt – in the boardroom and, most importantly, in your own home.
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